SANCTUM INBOX

[pain_train]

To find out times for the next three station stops of the Pain Train, press 1.

For a list of stations serviced by the Pain Train, press 2.

To leave a message for the conductor of the Pain Train, press 3.

To purchase tickets on the Pain Train, pull some more of your stupid-ass shit.

Comments

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

Oh. Wow.

I think you're fine. But if you know you have some kind of problem then why don't you fix it?

He got really mad about it. He's the first person that's gotten mad other than Felix, and Felix wasn't nearly that mad. Everyone else is just sorry.

I'm tired of sorry already. Sorry doesn't fix anything.

Re: Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

Technically, I am. Dr. Ramirez is pretty awesome and if like to think I'm making progress.

What did getting mad do for you, though? Sure it's nice but mad is mad is irrational. If there's an architect to be made wouldn't the dude in charge be more likely to listen if he weren't mad?

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

I don't know who that is.

It made me feel like someone actually gives a shit about what I want for my own life, for one, instead of telling me I should do whatever they think is best for me. And I'm kind of tired of doing what everyone else thinks is best for me because look where it's gotten me so far. And now everyone thinks what's best for me is to accept that I'm crippled and useless and stop serving like the only years of my life I can even remember don't mean anything.

They got rid of me because I'm worthless and broken. It doesn't matter if I protest it nicely or if I'm angry. I'm out because they wanted to get rid of me and I can't change that and Whiskey just says I'm a fucking head case so it doesn't matter anyway. Because if you're crazy no matter how you say you aren't crazy people will always still believe that you're just crazy. Talking isn't going to do jack shit and I don't know if I even want to talk to them any more because I don't really need to hear the list of things the nameless crazy lady can't do all over again. The only reason I even want to go back at this point is for my platoon because they are good guys and it's not their fault I can't hack it. So maybe I'll try to go private security instead I don't know.

But yeah. I know it's a hopeless fight. And I know I'm going to lose because I'm broken and useless. But at least it's a fight. You said I'm still a soldier. Well soldiers fight and soldiers serve and they don't give up just because things look hopeless.

Re: Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

Therapist. Not connected to bifrons and nothing like how I thought a therapist would be.

Soldiers also take backup. So. You need a hand with this, I got your back. Dunno what I can Dig up, but I'll dig.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

Well that's god as long as they are helping.

Okay.

I mean, I've had to admit to myself that I have to at least wait until I can go up and down the fucking stairs okay.

Re: Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

Pff, stairs are for the weak and those that lack conviction.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

Easy to say when they're not standing between you and the room you want to get to in someone's house.

Re: Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

That's what grapple lines are for. Tarzan your way over.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

Next time. And I'll tell North it was your idea if he gets mad about the ceiling getting messed up.

Re: Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

He won't get mad. He'll just call new by my first name all disappointed dad for being a bad influence.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

Will he cross his arms too?

Re: Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

Oh yeah. And SIGH.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

Bet it's cute when he's not doing it at me.

Re: Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

It's kind of adorable. And then when it's your turn you kinda wanna roll over and show your belly just so he'll STOP.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

I just kind of threw up on a bush. Twice. Or maybe I did that before he did the arms crossed thing. I don't really remember.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

Were you dipped in purple paint and singed from setting someone else on fire?

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

I wish. It would have been a better night.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

Then it couldn't have been that bad. The dadface, I mean.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

Felt bad enough at the time.

[But everything had felt bad, then, so it probably didn't count.]

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

It'll be okay. The North thing. You were in a rough way and he's real understanding.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

I think I've been in a rough way the entire time he's known me. Fuck knows why he puts up with it but I'm glad he does.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

He's a caring kind of guy- and he gets that seeing someone when they're not at their best isn't a solid sign of who they are normally. Otherwise we'd never have been friends.

Re: Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

Is he still going to like me when I'm not a fucked up mess?

If that ever happens.

Re: Day 162 Afternoon Text

[goddamngrenades]

Of course.

And it will. Eventually. We all end up leveling out sooner or later.

Day 162 Afternoon Text

[pain_train]

[Well, once you hit the bottom,you do kind of level out, right?]

I hope you're right.

[Really hadn't planned on living that long. But North...]