pain_train: (painted by light)
pain_train ([personal profile] pain_train) wrote2014-10-22 09:12 pm

SANCTUM INBOX

To find out times for the next three station stops of the Pain Train, press 1.

For a list of stations serviced by the Pain Train, press 2.

To leave a message for the conductor of the Pain Train, press 3.

To purchase tickets on the Pain Train, pull some more of your stupid-ass shit.
ofmightandmeta: (fc: i regret this immensely)

Re: 170 - evening -

[personal profile] ofmightandmeta 2014-12-28 10:41 am (UTC)(link)
It’s bullshit, is what it all is. He’s a soldier, killed innumerable people, blew up York, and there’s never been regret for anything. Everything is a casualty of war, it’s a hard fact of life, and lingering on it never makes it any better, so why the fuck is it any different in this place. Why should he care about any of this when there’s work to be done, and there’s work to be done back home. First priority should be getting home.

Getting home. Getting shot. Losing his mind.

It makes him tired, so very tired. Too many revelations in such a short period of time, from people invading his head, to learning his own fate, to the cause of all of his future problems showing up only to dissolve away. Definite bullshit.

His response can’t be heard so much as felt, a deep rumble low in his chest, barely an exhale. Wrath shouldn’t be indulging this, he shouldn’t be indulging it, but he doesn’t move. “Worked out just fine.”
ofmightandmeta: (fc: acceptance)

Re: 170 - evening -

[personal profile] ofmightandmeta 2014-12-28 08:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Admittedly, yes, he's being incredibly dumb, and that's putting it lightly. It could be argued that most of his life decisions could be classified as 'dumb'. Military life didn't quite make for the ability to rationalize emotional difficulties in healthy ways, after all. This is all fairly new, difficult, and exhausting, if he was being honest. Really, he'd rather be under live fire any day than have to sort through the demons in his head (thankfully unrelated to the demons in the holo display).

There's a quiet noise of amusement at the thought, and a very minute squeeze back. "Never claimed to be smart."

And then there's another flip of her hair with his free hand, and surprisingly no tension when she rests against him. Hugging is still something he's not quite there with, yet, but this is alright.
ofmightandmeta: (fc: acceptance)

Re: 170 - evening -

[personal profile] ofmightandmeta 2014-12-29 08:58 am (UTC)(link)
Of course there’s a difference, but that’s completely beside the point, at least as far as he’s concerned. He’s never claimed to be good at any of this, has never needed to be in the past, and he’s certainly not going to be making those claims any time soon. Fine, he’ll admit to being dumb, emotionally vulnerable, and completely unable to deal with anything that doesn’t require brute force to fix it.

But she doesn’t push, and that’s the best thing she could do; for that he’s thankful. Anyone else wouldn’t leave well enough alone, but she’s a soldier, she knows the difficulties. She gets it, understands, and that means more than he’d ever be able to put into words.

Perhaps it would behoove him to let go of her hand, but he doesn’t. This is okay, he has to remind himself. She helps. This helps. Maybe at some point, he’ll be able to admit that there’s a problem, that he’s not as put together as he’d like people to believe, but this helps for the time being. He can’t force the words out, but there’s a very, very quiet noise in the back of his throat, nearly a purr; thank you