pain_train | SANCTUM INBOX

Wrath rolls her eyes. "You two are just fucking unreal," she comments. Dick measuring. They should just do it and get it over with. "Maine's a soldier, like me." Like I was. "Maybe some people are just born that way. Or when you've been doing it long enough and are into it, that's all that really fits. But you'll do fine once you get used to the chain of command. Plus it actually gets way easier once you're out of basic unless you go for special ops. Basic's there to weed out the people who can't hack it when they face a challenge or have to work in a team."

"I mean, I can do all that." Except for dick measuring. He's not thinking about that right now. But Wrath is right, they're rivalry isn't much more than Who's Bigger. "I've worked with teams before, but ... small teams, quickly assembled and quickly disbanded. Workung with the same people for months on end? That's daunting. And, yeah, it seems the Chain of Command is a little bit more rigid than the Vanguards or Faction leaders. "

"Yeah, it has to be more rigid, for a lot of reasons. The organization works once you get used to it, I promise." She's having more of a hard time being outside that rather rigid structure now. It kind of boggles her that anyone would have trouble adapting to it. But she also can't remember anything else, quite literally.

"It's nice, having the same people around to work with. They sort of become your family, after a while. At least when you're not on the job. You know them better than anyone else."

He takes in a breath and lets it out in a sigh, pulling Wrath closer for a moment and pressing his lips to the top of her head, not quite a kiss. "Family."

He'd like to experience that. Again? For the first time? At least, in setting where he can remember it.

"Yeah," she sighs. And she knows, everyone keeps telling her that she hasn't lost that. She still talks to some of the guys sometimes, so she's not completely out. But it's not the same. She misses belonging.

Wrath sighs. She can't help it, pressed by the weird urges that are still in the back of her head. "I wish I had a family."

Orion misses the point. "You always got us, you know." He rubs her shoulder. "I might get weird but you can't get rid of me that easily!"

"Thanks, Orion," she says, trying to cheer up a little.

But the point is, she also thought she had North, and... she hadn't. Because she's just... not right. She breathes out a long sigh. Well, it's not like it's a secret or anything; mostly she's just been thinking about it, trying to figure it out, trying to understand it after Whiskey explained things to her a bit. "North broke up with me."

He lets that process for a moment ... Oh. Oh. He wraps both arms around her and holds her as tightly as he dared for a moment, taking in a breath and letting it out in a sigh.

"His loss."

She shrugs, but still leans against him gratefully. "Not really. I was a shitty girlfriend and not the kind of person he needed to be happy. Hopefully he feels better pretty quick and finds someone he deserves."

She really, honestly, does want him to be happy. He was her friend before he was anything else.

He has no point of reference. He wasn't privy to the finer details of their relationship, and even if he was he has no personal experiences to back up what he's thinking right now.

"Is this the part where I get to punch you? Because you deserve to be happy too, you know. And, hey -- maybe you were just a shitty girlfriend because he was a shitty boyfriend."

Shrug. "You can if you want. Wouldn't mind getting in a fight." Julien would yell at her. Whatever.

"Nah, he was a good boyfriend, I think. Thoughtful and stuff. Took care of me. Didn't need more than me." She shrugs again. "I don't really get how this stuff works, but I think I don't want to fuck with this relationship stuff again. It's stupid and everyone just gets hurt."

Like she'd managed to upset Orion, too. Fuck it. Once she's back on her feet, she can still go trolling at bars even if she can't drink. She's got Orion and Maine as friends, doesn't really need anything more than that. Obviously.

"I guess it's just an unreachable ideal, huh?" Nice in theory, hellish in practice. "But, but all relationships aren't pointless, right? I mean friendships are still relationships. And we're good. Bumpy sometimes, but good."

"Sorry, I don't really know what I'm talking about. I just ... I want to help."

She snorts. "He managed to reach it just fine." Yep, she feels like shit. For not being what he wanted her to be, for not even really wanting to try to be that either. "No, you're right. Friendships are relationships, and they're important. I'm just going to... try to be a better friend. And not even mess with that other stuff so I don't make anyone else feel bad."

Wrath nudges him lightly. "You're doing fine. There's just not anything you can really do, since I'm the problem. Sorry."

Something about this is frustrating Orion and he's not even sure what. He's feeling pretty protective about Wrath right now, and as much as he knows North isn't intrinsically a bad guy, he just sort of wants to hate on him right now.

"Fuck North. What matters right now is you and making you feel better." This time, he does kiss the top of her head, affectionately.

"Don't say that, it's mean." Wrath shakes her head. And definitely not something she wants. North doesn't deserve to have people mad at him because she can't seem to get her shit together.

The kiss on the top of the head is nice. She's really willing to take whatever she can get. She just knows better than to ask for more or want more because that will just fuck everything up. (Well, she does want more, buy she knows better than to admit it. That's more true.)

Wrath sighs. At this rate she might as well just climb into Orion's lap, and that seems like a bad idea too. She just snuggles as close as she can. "I'd want to go out drinking but I'm not allowed to do that. So I guess it's movies on the couch. That works."

"Yeah well he's mean." Orion mumbles, lacking venom. He'll give up voicing that line of thought, but it will make seeing North at base a little awkward. Whatever, he pushes those thoughts it of his head for now, letting Wrath snuggle close and almost pulling her into his lap himself. He can tell she wants to be close and he's okay with that; comfortable is getting her comfortable in his arms and stroking his fingers through her hair as he flips through the viewer guide to see what's good. No romance, no drama/thinky films, something gratuitously violent, maybe? The kind you can't take seriously because it's too over the top? He keeps an eye on her to see if there's anything that piques her interest.

Edited 2015-03-09 14:34 (UTC)

"Is not," Wrath says, poking Orion in the stomach. She heard that. No, as far as she can tell, North is an amazing guy and she's basically crazy to have not been able to and not wanted to get her shit together to be with him. It's not a good feeling to have.

Since Orion doesn't seem to mind and isn't getting weird, she finally just does what she wants and worms her way entirely into his lap. That's much more comfortable for her, at least. Hopefully it works for him.

She keeps an eye on the available movies and reaches over to stop his incessant flipping when he his the Demon Marine series. Those are some of her favorites just because they are too ridiculous.

"Oo, good one." He sets it to run, then settles back and cuddles around Wrath. Poor girl just needed a break, but until then he'd do what he could, quietly berating himself for not being capable of more.

Cuddling is quite literally all she is asking for. Ever, she decides. Going for more just fucks up perfectly nice friendships and makes everyone feel bad. When her back isn't so bad, she'll just go hit some bars and get some relaxation in.

She nestles back against Orion, tucking herself securely under his chin. It's pretty nice, really. Better than what she had before, right? When she didn't really have friends. Don't fuck this up, Wrath.

Orion's problem is very nearly the opposite; he's had friends, though perhaps not this close, but he completely lacks any sort of interpersonal sexual experience, and given his dealings with Wrath he's come to think of it as an open topic that he's the only one afraid of discussing.

He's confused about what's normal, what's expected of him, and frustrated that he can't deliver.

God, maybe he has an issue? Maybe this is the kind of thing he needs to talk to someone about? Fuck, who would he even talk to?

He's only half paying attention to Demon Marines, getting lost in his thoughts and the growing fog of exhaustion. He pulls in a breath and sighs, trying to forget everything for a moment and just enjoy the moment for what it was.

Edited (i sometimes enjoy my own typos) 2015-03-09 15:58 (UTC)

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