SANCTUM INBOX

[pain_train]

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To leave a message for the conductor of the Pain Train, press 3.

To purchase tickets on the Pain Train, pull some more of your stupid-ass shit.

Comments

[bothbarrels]

He shakes his head slightly. "I burdened you with it. I just meant to tell you about Theta." But Theta's origins had so much to do with what he was, why he was important, what their connection was. How else could he have told it?

[pain_train]

Wrath gives her head the little shake she can manage and whispers, like it's a secret shared between best friends: "You're being dumb again, North."

Squeezes his hand. "Burdens are gifts when they come from friends."

They give you something to carry.

[bothbarrels]

That manages to draw a faint smile, and he presses his lips together before answering. "It's a good thing you're a friend, then."

[pain_train]

She wishes she could do more. Maybe a real hug would help. But there's a little smoke at least.

And calling her a friend, that certainly gets a luminous smile in return. "I'm glad." Hand squeeze.

[bothbarrels]

"I'm glad too." He lifts his hand away from hers, just enough to stroke her palm with his fingers. That's not too intimate, right? Too intimate would be to turn his hand over to thread his fingers between hers, and though he's looking at their hands he refuses to do it. Too forward, too invested.

Who's he kidding, he's already all in on this. Maybe York was right.

[pain_train]

To someone so tactile and starved for touch, someone very aware of her own complete physical helplessness, even that feels astoundingly intimate. Her hand is really all she has right now. She actually blushes. She can't remember the last time she blushed.

Wrath looks away for a moment, partly as if to pretend no, it's okay this isn't so intense at all that even as the little touch makes her fingers curl. But she's the one who turns her hand, the little bit she can, and weaves the tips of their fingers together, and hopefully that's all right.

[bothbarrels]

"Don't twist your arm," he mutters, and moves his hand so her hand is aligned the way it should be, keeping their fingers still entwined. The fact that she's blushing shows that she feels the same way about this being intimate, yet she's the one who went for it. He lowers his head just a smidgen, beginning to feel a similar flush creeping up his neck. He feels like a teenager, which is a bit ridiculous, but here they are, two grown adults acting like kids with a crush. Two grown adults who tried to beat each other senseless a little more than a week ago.

[pain_train]

Wrath can't help but laugh. "Worth it."

Yes, very intimate. She's done a lot more with people she knew a lot less, and it was more like scratching an itch than anything. It helps overlay pain. It helps kill loneliness when she remembers to feel that.

But this is very, very different. It feels different. Warm and fragile and another sort of rush entirely.

She wiggles her fingers slightly to make interweaving more secure, still looking away. She's not sure why. Maybe it makes the feeling stronger, to just be so focused on the touch alone. Maybe this will help her remember it when everything else has washed away.

[bothbarrels]

"You could have asked." He squeezes gently, snugging his hand up into hers. His hand is a lot bigger than hers, he notices absently, and since she's looking away he trains his gaze on her face. That only lasts for a moment though, because with all this connecting if she looks at him at this moment he's going to end up...doing something. Something that involves touching his lips to hers and it's far, far too soon for something like that. Instead he huffs out a little breath and looks out at the doorway. The door's open, and he feels that if someone approached they'd be interrupting a private moment, something that shouldn't be shared.

[pain_train]

His hands are huge. It's not as good as a hug, really, but that's how she imagines it would feel. Encompassed. Safe. Warm.

She finally does look back at him, tugging in his hand slightly to get him to look at her. "You've already given me a lot. You made pie for me, and you're trying to help me paint even though you don't have to, and you... you talked, and you listened to me, and we're friends somehow."

God, she's getting a little choked up. It must be the drugs. No, probably not. She's always just been a very emotional person. Deep breaths.

She gives him a smile that's a little watery, and shit her hand is trembling slightly because it just feels so overwhelming suddenly but feeling is good, feeling endures. She hasn't felt something so strongly in forever, not since the last assessment and it's just so good to no longer be numb and for it to be something happy, because of someone with a nice smile.

This was probably a bad idea but it seemed really important to say this. "I'd feel like a real asshole if I kept just asking for stuff and never... Never did anything myself. That's what I mean. After you've already given me so much, and it's all wonderful and I'm just so damn happy because who the hell am I to even be this lucky, I'd feel like such a greedy asshole and I'm not Greed, I'm Wrath."

[bothbarrels]

He does look at her, and thankfully the urge to kiss her has passed, so he looks her in the eyes. "You can make up for it later," he says, trying to tease. It doesn't quite come out sounding that way but he smiles a shy little smile and squeezes her hand.

"And it's okay to be selfish if you need to be," he adds. "Right now you need to heal, and you need support, and if you have to demand things to get you through it I think you should."

[pain_train]

"I promise I will." She grins, and it's still a little teary, but they're good tears so that's all right. "But that means you have to let me, too."

She's got your number on that one, North.

"Fine," she says imperiously, "then I demand you keep visiting me. If you... uh... have time. And don't mind. And you have to bring me pie. And soup with dumplings."

Quickly added: "Meat dumplings. Vegetable dumplings are for pussies."

[bothbarrels]

Now if he reached and got a tissue and wiped her eyes that would be another step up in this intimacy dance they're doing and he thinks it's better to let her keep her dignity in pretending he hasn't noticed. He smiles a bit wryly at her comment about him letting her make it up to him later. So maybe he's not used to leaning on other people. That's what he does, lets other people lean on him.

"I'll take what time I have." He did have his evenings free, but he also had housemates to spend time with and chores to do. "You don't mind if I miss a day here and there?"

He's definitely willing to make the soup. "Do you want a cream soup, or broth?"

[pain_train]

"Of course not. I didn't--just any--" She didn't expect him to just agree like that! She tries to regain the imperious act and nods just the little available fraction. "That well be acceptable, North. For now."

"Broth, please." Somehow she knows that's the right way to have that soup. Somehow she knows that soup to begin with.

She considers for a moment. "Even if... when you're busy. Would it be all right if I maybe called you, to say goodnight?"

It's important. A way for things to be right if you don't wake up the same person the next morning. That's important too. Somehow.

[bothbarrels]

"Let me know when your standards change and I'll do my best to keep up with them," he teases. Teasing is good, it's the best way to keep up this level of friendship without being tempted to cross boundaries. "Calling sounds like a great idea. Just don't keep me up too late," he adds with a chuckle. He can see them ending up speaking late into the night otherwise.

[pain_train]

She sniffs in mock derision. "I most certainly will not. I've got to keep you on your toes!"

"I won't, promise. I know how early reveille is. I still wake up that time in the morning...." Over twenty years of bone deep habit, there. "Thank you, North."

[bothbarrels]

"You're welcome. It's what I want to do, so don't feel bad about it." He scrubs his free hand over his hair and smiles. "You want that other piece of pie now?"

[pain_train]

What he wants to do. She squeezes his hand. Watches him mess with his own hair and wonders what it would feel like to touch.

Not going to ask for that now. Maybe later. Maybe later if she's really lucky.

"Sure." She smiles, looks a little embarrassed for a moment. "But I want your hand back after." Oh god don't take that the wrong way, it felt weird to say.

[bothbarrels]

"Yeah, okay." He smiles gently to let her know it's okay. Honestly, he feels a bit the same way. It's just really nice being connected like that.

He slowly disentangles his hand from hers and it chills in the air—his palm must have been sweating when he blushed. He goes to the box and pulls out the second plate, unwraps the plastic. "This one's going to be sticky," he says, and gets the spoon to scoop up the first bite.

[pain_train]

Relief and happiness at that. She curls her fingers slowly in one bereft of his hand, trying to hold a bit of that warmth. She wants to remember that as well.

"Sticky's more fun," she says. With a straight face even, though there is something of a wicked gleam in her eye. "It smells really good." The caramel makes her mouth practically water.

[bothbarrels]

This time the innuendo passes him by. "At least it won't drip down your chin this time."

He brings the bite of pie to her lips. "Thanks, it's one of my favorites, so I think you'll like it."

[pain_train]

For someone missing the innuendo, that's a pretty fine unintentional return, North. Enough of one that it gets a little blush. "I don't mind."

She eats the first bite very slowly, just enjoying the hedonistic pleasure of being fed something that involves caramel. Then sighs, eyes half shut. "I think that might be one of my favorites too. Though I guess I have to try all your other pies first. Oh darn."

[bothbarrels]

He grins. "I'd call that a hint but it was pretty blatant. Sure, I can make you pie again. How do you like mixed berry?"

[pain_train]

"I'm very subtle. You noticed nothing." Have a grin back. "I like it a lot."

Actually she has no idea of she's even had it before. But if North makes it, she's pretty sure she will like it.

[bothbarrels]

"That's the next type I'll make then." Just like the last slice he lovingly places each bite against her lips and allows her to draw them into her mouth. "I'm going to have to get a wet nap to clean your face now, I think," he grins. There's a sheen of sticky caramel on her bottom lip.