pain_train | SANCTUM INBOX

maine if i was fucking you, you'd know and there would be bite marks.

too bad the hourglass of my life will have run out in like fourteen can't you hear the sound of my body shriveling away to nothing arrrrrrrgh

okay and i'll look forward to that who knows maybe i can give you some fucked up ideas melee was always my thing.

well i haven't yet but he better not fuck with you or i guess i'll be buying you a new toilet and you can just be mad at me :p i'm just really fucking sorry that i can't do what i was supposed to do because i can't be your co and i can't be north's partner because ~~i was too slow~~ i got unlucky but i'm still gonna do what i can okay

okay. i trust you. you're a good soldier.

[there's a good five minute stretch with no response]

i'm thinking you'll survive another fifteen minutes without food that which doesn't kill you and all that shit

[electing to ignore it, a very mature response]

fucked up ideas are always the best

think you're doing exactly what you're supposed to still holding it that you're more competant than a lot of these fucks i've seen don't know how north is now but unless he changed one eighty since things he's upfront if he likes you he likes you fuck anything else

wait how is it still another fifteen minutes time is stretch out or are you just enjoying my suffering you asshole or what did you like stop to like get your hair done is that a thing now

[Wimp.]

until they're not :p

hahaha well i've got a lot of reasons to think that north likes me fuck knows why but he does and i'm super lucky. that's kind of a different thing from what i mean though you know. but it's very sweet of you to point that out.

really just means i'm gonna do my best to take care of you guys however i still can so i got your back and maybe some day that might mean you need a new toilet but you don't have to worry i can totally cover it

Edited 2014-12-25 08:14 (UTC)

decided to stop and gussy up, just for you live up to that whole princess deal

[it is absolutely impossible to express the level of sarcasm properly through text]

it is what it is don’t get in the habit of overthinking shit not good to get stuck in your head

glad to have a good set of eyes watching out for me but if you fucking drown someone in my apartment i am going to be pissed

lot more entertaining ways to go about it after all

sigma is out of the question though

but maine your natural cuteness just shines through you don't need to do anything maybe just like a little eyeliner and lip gloss if you want to bring the drama geeze

[You're fucking adorable is what you are.]

[It's hard to not overthink things when you have nothing but time on your hands. This lack of structure and routine is slowly drowning her. It's really not the same when you're trying to make up your own routine, or when you're not marshaling a bunch of hotheads with guns through theirs.]

yeah but most of the more entertaining ways would probably have my physical therapist up my ass and i like my ass the way it is

okay this is not me being an asshole i swear but why? you've known him even less time than you've known me and it's not like in some kind of weird-ass future i'm gonna eat your brain (promise) though i hope if someone drowned me in your toilet and fucked up your plumbing you'd be pretty mad about that too

i guess that's the thing i'm having a hard time like wrapping my brain around i already want to set north's sister on fire for more than just being a giant asshole and she isn't even from the point in time where she decides whatever she wants is worth him being dead and i wish you fuckers would stop with all this timeline bullshit it makes my head hurt but anyway south gets the it technically hasn't happened yet for her free will and blah blah blah whatever my boyfriend would make the dad face at me and be angry defense but does sigma?

okay and maybe this is something that would be better to like ask you about when you get here but whoops this is what you get for taking your sweet fucking time

continue like that and it's going to be another half hour

just tell your physical therapist that there are better ways to get up someone's ass then more pleasant

already told you last time, subject dropped

maybe later

but subject is dropped

i don't see how you being a meanie butt is going to make the truth any less true :p

i'm not saying that to julien you haven't met him maine he's super scary

fine whatever be that way see if i care

(i do care and i'm worried, asshole)

what are you, five

[it does take some time before there's another response]

no need to worry

if i can get shot and keep going little fuck like that isn't going to do anything

maybe your face is five

you're really fucking tough. i already know that. your body's not what i'm worried about.

then i should be fine by your own admission

...maine i ever tell you what happened to the other sins?

Edited 2014-12-26 01:48 (UTC)

can't say it ever came up

it's

i don't really remember

but kind of

fuck

don't like talking about it

maybe after you get here

i'll be down in two

[there's no further communication, but true to his word, there's pounding on the door shortly after]

wait you mean OH YOU ASSHOLE

Okay, it's kind of funny. It's the thing Wrath might do herself. Has done. Karma's a bitch. Orion's apartment isn't big, so she opens the door quickly when he knocks. If you can call that knocking.

"You're lucky I'm not so weak with hunger I can't make it to the door," she says, and manages a passable smile. Feeling a little too preoccupied to do anything better.

There's a single raised brow, a slight quirk of his lips, and for all intents and purposes his look could be construed as vaguely amused. It's more of a formality though, a reaction to the overt situation as opposed to the entirety of the reason that he's actually relented and put an end to his being an asshole. "Told you you'd survive."

He makes a motion with one arm, and there's a plethora of plastic bags hanging off his wrist. No other words, but there's a very faint knitting of his brows that suggests concern.

"No thanks to you," she mutters. It's for form's sake, really.

There's a little start of movement, like with anyone else she'd be going in for the hug. But that's right. Maine doesn't like that. And normally she'd take it as a challenge, but not right now. The thought of trying to hug Maine and having him go all stiff isn't one she can really handle at the moment. Instead she reaches out and grab the hem of his shirt instead.

"Thanks for bringing the food." That's important. Because she does appreciate it.

There’s a very small huff, under his breath really, and a great temptation to roll his eyes because while they’re both trying to keep up the pretense of everything being casual, that’s obviously not what’s really important with everything. It’s evident in the fact that there’s tension in the air, in the fact that she starts forward and stops, and it’s one of the times few and far between that he vaguely wishes that he were better at dealing with things like this.

As it is, he’s still out of his comfort zone, but he really should have some sort of response. It resolves itself in his hand on her head, ruffling her hair somewhat as he hums under his breath. “Owed you, didn’t I?”

When he messes with her hair, Wrath actually just leans forward to rest her forehead on his chest for a minute. Sorry, Maine. "Shit," she mutters. "Okay, bad stuff first and then food or I'm not even going to be able to fucking eat. Shouldn't have even thought about it anyway."

Small steps, and he does inhale the tiniest bit sharper at the sensation, but at the very least he doesn’t tense, doesn’t move away. He’s still not very good at the whole contact thing, even less at the comfort part of it, but this is what regular people do, right? The hand stays in her hair, and there’s a rumble deep in his chest; it’s at least an attempt.

“Can’t help thinking.” It’s the truth, and he pulls back, breaking the contact to shrug the bags to the floor.

It's really more than she could have expected. Wrath keeps her head down, shoulders slightly hunched, and actually still holds on to the hem of his shirt.

"Yeah, I guess... but it's like. I don't remember really well. I forget stuff." She rubs the fabric between her thumb and forefinger. "And sometimes I don't make a lot of sense. But I still remember things that are important. And that's why this shit worries me."

For someone who’s job used to consist of causing as much destruction as humanly possible on a day to day basis, it’s somewhat surprising how gentle he can actually be when he wants to. There’s a low noise in the back of his throat, a slight narrowing of his eyes to express his concern, but after that there’s one hand on her shoulder, the other reaching down to very carefully remover her grip from his clothing. With the task accomplished, there’s a quick gaze about the room, and the moment he’s able to locate the couch, he’s very carefully guiding her over to it so that the both of them can sit.

While there are no words in response, the noise he’s making shifts pitch, takes on a more curious tone. It’s the first time he’s seen her this serious, this perturbed, and it’s definitely more than a bit concerning.

Well, Wrath. He's here and listening. Better get to the point. She doesn't even know quite where to start, though, and has to think back over the text conversation to try to find that frayed thread of memory the words had tugged at.

She'd like to lean against Maine, but he's not in to that. So she just huddles a little against the back of the couch, legs crossed loosely. She'd like to draw her knees up to her chest, but that makes her back hurt worse.

"Okay." Where to start. She looks down at her hands, loose in her lap. "So you know there are seven of us. Were. Badb... she was Sloth... she died defending the dome right before it got sealed. Remember that. You would have really liked Badb. Had a mace. Just... fucked shit up. Killed more dysthropes than any three of us put together. Didn't know when to quit.

"But the rest of us... I know. When the army got disbanded. They called us back up for the militia. Because we were famous. Like. That fucking cartoon, right? And the militia needed help. So they call, you go. And... I mean they were okay but. I don't know. I don't really remember that time. A lot of nothing, until I got back in uniform again.

"I dont... I don't know a lot. Like twenty-one years and I don't really remember that much. But I know like... over the next maybe ten years, everyone else retired. The other five retired. I remember them retiring. You know, like the cake and the jokes and everyone's in their dress blacks. But... we were always tight, you know? Like family. And Octavian--Envy--was my partner.

"And when they retired, they just... went away. Never heard from them again. And I didn't really think about it until now, because there was always the mission. I had to--focus, soldier, you have to focus--just. But I thought. I'm out now. They're not a distraction from the mission any more. I should go find them. We can talk.

"And it's like they never fucking existed. They retired, and then just fucking... evaporated."

Edited 2014-12-26 09:24 (UTC)

As she keeps talking and the story unfolds, his look becomes increasingly more solemn, a tension wound in his shoulders and evident in the way he’s holding himself while sitting. If he hadn’t had a poor opinion of all the fuckery before, what she’s saying has certainly done well to cast even worse of a shadow over everything.

There are so many problems with what she’s saying; for as little as he’d always cared about the morality of actions taken during wartime, there’s something utterly distasteful about how wrong the implications here are. Perhaps it’s merely that subterfuge and covert things had never been his forte, but what she’s going on about seems nothing short of clandestine manipulation.

There’s an even growl in the back of his throat, continual and white noise against her talking, and a spike of anger, though it’s strange because it’s nothing that directly involves him. Anger on her behalf. “Liability. Dangerous.”

At least as far as he can think; there’s little to be had for soldiers past their prime, and combined with everything, with the hints of how deep a certain corporation has its fingers in military related things, it’s difficult to point to anything else.

"Yeah," she agrees softly. "And..."

How to make this make sense? It's all just impressions, things she's recalled, snippets, but she can find the common thread that ties them all together.

"They tell you that you're broken. You're broken and we're going to fix you. We're fixing you. But it's not that." North had said so, and she believes him now. After everything she's seen, she can believe him. And that makes for a lot of guilt, because she can recall snippets. She can remember turning Octavian in for non-compliant behavior, and he'd done the same for her.

Because we're broken. They're fixing us.

"And it's not something that happens all at once. Not the first time or second time or... just one day--" She remembers telling North this, not knowing where it had drifted from, but it was true. "One day the fire is just gone. It goes out, and then you go home and eat a gun."

She's drifting. This wasn't the point.

"But that's not the point. It's--it's words, Maine. Everyone has a point where they break. Even the best soldiers. And it's not something they do to your body, because they can just put us back together over and over like goddamn puzzles and we'll keep going, we're tough. It's the words they put in your head and the lies they tell you that you think are true because it's burned into your brain or because you just--want to believe. Because you're broken and they're just going to fix you, they're just going to make you better."

Finally, finally she looks at him, reaches out and wraps her fingers around his wrist, and her grip is perhaps surprisingly strong. "I know I'm not saying this right, but--this is why I'm worried, Maine. What kills you isn't the bullet. It's the words you can't forget."

Edited (TYPOS ARGH) 2014-12-26 10:18 (UTC)

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